Unschooling

I think I've always been an unschooler at heart. I believe in the principles, and they resonate with me deeply. It's something I've always wished to do, and it's something that I've convinced myself I was doing, even though I really wasn't. I've moved farther and farther away from it in the last few years, and I want it back.

But I think I lack an unschooler's character or personality. There's something in me (fear, most likely) that makes me want to feel some control over what the boys are learning. I feel that it's wrong, but it's a powerful force that I haven't been able to master. I can see that it's at the root of many problems and has caused much conflict between the boys and I. But now I see Jonathan pulling back from things he once revelled in, and I see that he dislikes things solely because I've introduced them or had an agenda regarding them.

Obviously, that has to stop. He used to love learning for its own sake. He used to love to learn about anything. I want that back for him. I can't be the person who got in his way. I won't be the person who caused him to change from a child who loved nothing better than to talk about dinosaurs (until my ears bled), or fill out multiplication charts, or sit in a chair and read for hours on end, or study maps until his eyes crossed, into a child who groans when I pull out the math book, or, worse, stifles his groan only because he knows it makes me cross.

So today, we begin the process of deschooling.

It's never too late. That's my fervent hope...that I haven't done too much damage, yet.